Outside of diet, hydration, sleep, sunshine, fresh air, direct contact with the bear earth, chemical free lifestyle, there are so many other necessary aspects of health. One and one crucial is the social factor.
Emotional poise, bonding, chatting, gossiping, talking, communication, discussing, disputing, converging and even touching other human beings. I always knew about it, I always handled it well, therefor never thought to give a big importance to it as part of my own health journey, as it comes naturally to me. However not for everybody; actually on the contrary. There are many people struggling to get into a quality couple-relationship, get friends and to bond with colleagues.
Without, these “interactions and natural skills”, we actually cannot be healthy. Why ? Humans are evolved and got where they are now, because of language, gossip, communication and teamwork ! It is in our DNA ! There are hormonal aspects to it too. Like feeling emotionally hyped up near a female, or experiencing grit when winning a friendly competition, immersing in pride when seeing our firstborn son. It is measurable with medical devices ! Emotions are not only imprints on our brain’s orbit, but chemical chain-reactions. These are positively effecting our development as a human and if emotions, thoughts, interactions are lacking or withheld, we are missing out on an important base-building-block at the foundation level of health.
I recently read two books about the subject. They explain it amazingly well, why humans are stronger, better, smarter, faster and much more, when in a group. One is “Tribe” from Sebastian Junger and the other is the “Sapiens” from Noah Harari.
We do not have to donate our entire life to a person, to a group or to a family. No, this is not what I am saying. We still can and must keep our “me time” ! However the knowledge of having a place to call home, having a girl to call wife and having a man to call friend is greatly encouraging and beneficial. Helping others and having good feelings about it lights up reactions in the brain. Talking to a familiar voice and discussing subjects of matter is a great way to enlarge our existance.
When people go to work a couple of minutes early to have a friendly coffee with colleagues is for a reason, like the post work beer. The weekend group run, school sports teams, bingo clubs, hiking groups, martial art dojos and so. To bring together people from the same interest, from the same place, with the same goal. Same for a rehab or an AA group. It is easier to share our struggles with individuals who maybe experienced even worst. And it is good to share ! Sharing is caring ! Caring for ourselves and caring about others. We share our problems, emotions and objectives for our well being and we share our food, home and anything material for the well being of others.
For health, this is necessary. Engaging in an enlightening relationships, selecting a correct environment and choosing a quality community. I restarted my life a couple of times, when moved to new places. Actually, to new cities, new countries with totally new language. I am a runner and I always try to find local runners. Signing up for local races, subscribing for the local running club and checking out weekend group runs. I found many jobs like this too. Actually all of my jobs I liked in the past were found this way ! People heard about me, from runners and cyclist and sport friends and called me up. I surround myself with people who are active, fresh, motivated and healthy. Who like adventures, cycling, running and being outdoors constantly ! Who are not lazy to go for a 4am run, go to work, then spend the night with the family, with no TV and no video games.
If you had other interests, like cars, angling, computer programming, rock climbing, yoga and meditation, philosophy, history, you should be checking out people from these same categories. I am not interested in drinking beer and watching football 2 nights a week, so I just don’t need friends like that either. If we don’t have anything in commen, for what reason should we bond ?
I also do not like shopping and cities and crowded places, so having a wife who wants to wear high shoes, mini skirt and having 1kg of make up with fake boobs to walk on the red carpet is not for me either. I found a girl who likes discovering, experiencing, learning and engaging in anything new. Who is not afraid of turning 180° anytime in order to achieve something great. I married her of course and we are the happiest every day, all day, all the time, forever. In hardship, when money was scarce and got nearly back to square zero and in fun times, when both of us had great carriers and no issues. Nothing ever changes between us ! We talk a lot, we discuss a lot and we are together the most possible !
I worked with couples, where I recommended to get out from long term relationships and to get a divorce. Why ? Because it is for the good of both husband and wife and for the kids too ! They did not listen to their feelings at the beginning of their relationship, and did not see that they were not meant to be for each other. They forced it through and yes, after 10 or even 20 years of enclosed suffering or open hell, finally a divorce with a giant smile and with great respect shown is happening. You want to wake up every day knowing that the person near you respects you on the way you respect her. Same for love and other emotions.
You want a person who is listening and thinking ! When you try to talk about a subject, she has to engage in it, she has to understand it ! If your “soul mate” is always giving you excuses, getting out of conversations with anger, looking for opportunities to argue and shouting, you might be better off alone for a while till you are ready to face a properly built up love-life. Maybe on the contrary, your girl is showing you zero waves of emotions, having a pale feelingless face all the time and giving you flat, straight and over the shoulder answers instead of getting into a deep and moving conversation. Just move and advance ! There are always options out there and good options ! Don’t be afraid to look for it ! Being happy and said, feeling great and feeling bad, feeling a bit lonely time to time are all part of our human well being and totally necessary to our health and development.
I am not a psychologue, a psychopath or a mentalist. I still would recommend one single thing. Surround yourself with people who are heading into the same direction as you want to be heading ! This group will experience probably the same problems that you were, are or will and you can learn a lot from it. In all groups there are friendships and special closer bonds, a bit different like with the others. These become naturally, as you open up and you “share” !
As a last example, let’s looks at my wife. She is actually an adventurous women with a lot of interest in learning and experiencing from the outdoors. She likes being physically active, but also to relax with a book in a deep forest on a suspended hammock. She goes out alone for a small jog even if it was raining and hailing, has a shower and go back out under the rain to do the shopping if needed. She has fun alone, with others, with any age. She is 30, but she is fresh and energetic between 20 years olds, but with older 60 or 80 years old too. She is just very open, honest and straight forward. She doesn’t hide her emotions and if she doesn’t like you, she will give you straight answers, that I am not gonna organise anything with you, thanks for the invitation, good bye.
So she has a hard time making friends. Why ? It is because how the current society is set up. People are looking for excuses about everything and she doesn’t wait, just like me, till the clouds are gone. She is a doer. A do it now or never girl ! Her family name is actually, Promeneur, what means Walker ! Advancing forward all the time and creating, learning, developing and blooming ! We had big talks about this whole situation and she understands, that the problem is not in her. She has to just keep doing what she wants to do and if opportunities come to bonding with other women, just do it. Actually she has a lot of friends and mates since, to talk to, share ideas and to crash activities with if needed !
You might need time, but don’t compromise your health ! Don’t compromise your relationships. Get meaningful ones and leave the others behind, put them on hold ! Don’t close out people, just because currently they are not up to “your standards”. They might change, they might become totally someone else, then before ! Do not feel superior or inferior, just feel. You are right for me and you are not. That is it!